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A Treatise on Music Critics

The fog had not yet receded
From the fens below the moors
When two gallant knights came a-cantering,
Warbling like troubadours.

“I say,” said the one, a-halting,
Your notes seem to be somewhat off.”
“Are not,” quipped the other, indignant,
“That jarring is only a cough!”

“My gracious sir, I implore you,”
Returned the first with a sneer,
“I insist you were off by at least a fifth,
And I DO have a pitch-perfect ear.”

“Oh really?” snarled his companion,
“Then it must not connect to your brain.
My dearest knight, I assure you,
I sang from the proper refrain.”

“But if you do mean to insult me,
Then, good sir, to your arms!
I doubt that your jousting could hurt me –
It’s your singing that’s cause for alarm!”

“Cretan!” The first knight did roar out,
As he seized up his great jousting lance.
The second swung his own weapon sideways,
Thus ending the other’s advance.

“A-HA!” cried the second in triumph,
As he brought down his sword with great aim,
Which ending in a most fatal blow,
Thus cleaving his partner in twain.

The moral is meant for the critics
Whose victims they relentlessly torment –
Music is in the ears that hear,
Or for your ears a sword will be sent!

(Sept. 13/89)